TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY – AT LEAST
The wisdom of this Proverb cautions that there is another side to the story. Proverbs 18:17 states: “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him” [ESV].
Parents quickly learn there are two sides to every story. Counselors learn to listen to both sides before giving advice. Fair minded judges hear both sides before passing judgment. And friends – friends often regret getting in the middle, even before they hear the other side; but especially after they hear it. The other side doesn’t always clarify the issues, but the other side clarifies some truths about human nature.
If you as a friend find yourself in the quagmire of a dispute between other friends, you probably feel pressure to choose a side. Do not choose a side until you have fairly heard both sides. Perhaps after hearing both sides you will see that the best way to help your friends is to stay in the middle. The middle is not calm, but it does allow you to the freedom to develop an unbiased, righteous understanding of the issues. Once, a brother asked Jesus to settle a dispute over an inheritance with his brother. Jesus refused to take sides, but he did advocate for the will of His Father. [Luke 12:13-21].
On another occasion, one of Jesus’ best friends made a complaint against her sister. Martha complained that Mary was not helping her with the preparation of service of food. Jesus was aware of both sides of the issue because he was involved and literally in the middle, for Mary was hearing him teach. Jesus took Mary’s side, not because Martha didn’t have a good point; but because Mary chose the better part. In this case Jesus clarified that one choice was the best choice; not that the other choice was wrong. [Luke 10:38-42].
The Jewish leaders who opposed Jesus would create disputes in order to entangle Jesus in a quagmire. They connived and asked Jesus if taxes should be paid to Caesar [Matthew 22:15-22]. If Jesus said “No”, then they could get him in trouble with Roman authorities; and if Jesus said “Yes” they could turn the rabble against him. Beware, it may be in the self promoting interests of one side to wrongly discredit the other side in your eyes or to alienate you from the other side. Jesus answered so wisely he amazed people with this famous quote: “Render to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” If you fail to amaze others, at least be confident in your conscience that your answer pleases God, honors righteous laws and seeks the truth in-between.
Paul and Barnabas disputed whether or not to take John Mark on the second missionary journey. [Acts 15:36-41]. Paul saw John Mark as a cowardly deserter; while Barnabas felt Mark regretted his decision and learned his lesson. They disputed the issue so sharply; they did not agree and split their team. One went one way and the other went the other way. Whose side would you take? Is it possible to take a side in the interests of righteousness and conscience without discrediting either side for selfish motives? I think so, but both sides may have to accept the reality of agreeing to disagree. Biased human nature can’t see and accept this solution.
It’s up to you, the one in the middle to fairly hear both sides of the story; and then articulate God’s will, the best choice, the truth in-between, or the reality that all may have to be content with the consequences of no agreement. In spite of the unfortunate parting of ways, Paul did find John Mark very helpful in later years [2 Timothy 4:11]. Paul also advised other Christians: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” [Romans 12:18, ESV].
